2) Sounds like a hoot :)
3) Girls are allowed, and even encouraged, to hit people with sticks. There has, however, never been a female monarch by right-of-arms in this kingdom. I believe there have been in other SCAdian kingdoms. Some of the other kingdoms feel that Atlantia is kind of backwards for reasons along these lines. I don't believe there are any female knights by-right-of-arms, either, although there are female knight-level peers. Dame Anne, former seneschale of the kingdom springs to mind, although I don't know what she was knighted for.
I would imagine that given the SCA's propensity for terrible puns, yes, the boyfriend of the king would be queen. Again, that's never happened in Atlantia. Maybe other kingdoms.
There is a gay group in Atlantia, at least, called something like the Blue Feather society. I learned this when considering writing a filk about one of the local fighters to the tune of Copa Cabana. He didn't want to have anything to do with "feathers in his hair."